Your soul's work is calling you to a more spiritually aligned center point that you have felt calling you for so long. Let's explore your UNBRANDING.
Using Your Business as the Container For Your Becoming
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Are You Ready To Embark On Becoming Through Your Business?
When I was in high school I remember the phrase "finding yourself," being used a lot. People would go travel and "find themself" out there. What?! This didn't resonate with me at all. I was deeply passionate about acting at the time, and busy doing my thing. I didn't need to find myself in the least - I was found.
While I thought this concept sounded intriguing, I just didn't understand what was expected to transpire exactly, what was at stake, or the process being undertaken. I was not connecting to the problem or what the outcome entailed.
I was lucky in my upbringing for a couple reasons in this department. I had parents who allowed me free reign to explore the edges of myself. They introduced me to interesting people, world culture, nature, art, dance, theatre, music, and on and on.
Fast-forward to age 30. I had been married about four years and was having my first child. Over the next decade I poured myself into building my photography business, raising my daughter, and then I had another daughter, and being a wife to an ambitious and driven man.
I was giving of myself in all directions. I had no emotional or physical support in my motherhood living far away from my family. I gave and gave and gave.
I become a shell of my former self. Haggard, uncomfortable in my clothes, edgy and full of unrecognizable and unpredictable rage.
I never went dancing for hours on end like I used to. I didn't go on head-clearing road trips anymore. I didn't lay in bed watching whatever TV shows I wanted to on a Saturday afternoon. I never went to my dad's farm and rode horses alone in the fields.
The list of "nevers" could go on and on forever.
Most importantly, I never had enough time alone. Time alone died the day my daughter was born.
No one tells you this. That life as you know it will suddenly blow out in a single breath the moment your child takes her first breath. It's a trade we mothers give. We trade in our autonomy to be able to experience all of what it means to have a child.
That's the phrase I hear all the time now. People searching for it under every damn stone. 'What is my life purpose?' 'How do I figure out what mine is??'
Finding Yourself. Life Purpose.
I still didn't resonate with all this because though I had definitely lost my purpose and myself, I felt that it was all just on hold and it would pop back online seamlessly, because that's how life had always acted before.
In my life I had embodied these things so naturally that I didn't see how one could "find" it, or ask for someone's advice about what theirs was, or even discover it.
Passion for me was like drawing air. Natural. I just knew.
But there I was spit out at age 40 with no business (I closed it because of burnout), and not enjoying motherhood - at all. I enjoyed my daughters in moments, but motherhood?
No no no no no forever.
It was a slog, and servitude, and endless repetition, and children screaming, and fits, and walking on eggshells. Day after day into years into more years.
When I hit burnout at 40 everything was blowing apart. Everything.
But something else happened.
On that very day of my birthday I heard my inner voice say,
"Say Yes to the Woo."
So let's back up a bit.
What is "the Woo?"
That's my word for the mystical.
When I was a kid, I shut down the mystical realm as terrifying. It was the stuff of evil spirits and haunted houses and nightmares. I felt that if I entertained the "woo" or the mystical that it would mean I would be open to negative spooky stuff.
I had good reasons for this. But I'll save my ghost stories for another day.
I wanted NO PART OF IT.
But something big was happening as I was about to turn 40. I was shedding the pretense. I was done with worrying about what others thought of me, or let's be really clear - what I thought of me.
And truth be told, DEEP DOWN I was actually entranced by the mystical. I had been holding it at bay, denying my feelings about it because I was not willing to risk the terror.
But as I crossed the threshhold of the second chapter of my life, I can't explain it, but this block to exploring the mystical dissolved instantly.
I said "yes," and it was a pivotal turning point. For the next year I was driven headlong into the most intense onslaught of spiritual experiences. I interacted with the "woo," without even meaning to every single day.
At first I was sharing excited and long stories with my friends, but eventually I stopped talking about it all publicly because it was just too hard to explain it all. I was deep in the rabbit hole.
At this point I was still a skeptic. I said "yes" but that didn't mean I knew what to do with it.
Throughout this time I was reconsidering what to do with my business. I began to turn my process for taking branding portraits into an online workshop. It was a massive experiment. I didn't know what would happen when I released it.
Would people want to take the workshop? Did it make any sense? Would it be useful?
People did want to take it. And then something extraordinary happened, which is why I am writing to you now. People's lives were completely transformed through the work.
I didn't fully believe it. But it kept happening again and again.
I realized that there was something else at work. What I am sharing with you now is on the cutting edge because I am writing and creating it as I write to you now.
So why did I tell you my story about "saying yes to Woo?"
I didn't realize or intend for my business and my spiritual growth to EVER converge. They have been two completely separate things.
It took me a good long while to uncover how these two disparate journeys were not, in fact, completely independent from each other. They didn't overlap at all until most recently.
Now I know that they were supposed to happen together.
I am stepping into my potential (bravely, eek!) to share that your business is a vehicle for your becoming.
It is a way to Find Yourself, and it is a way for you to Find and Live Your Purpose.
You started your business thinking it was an extension of your expression, a desire to create an aligned lifestyle, to create more space and freedom in your life.
But as I've shared in my story and we have come to know, other factors overwhelm the original vision.
We become exhausted, worn out, burnt out, confused, blocked...
And when that happens?
It's the point of entry. Not the end.
It is the ACTUAL BEGINNING of your most potent, most exhilarating, most important iteration of this journey.
It is the moment that you are scared and defeated that you can actually ask yourself the most important question...
What THE FUCK am I doing?
Becoming Through Business is intuitively led. It asks you to trust and surrender mercilessly -- again and again -- and then when you think you've go it - it asks again.
I haven't known where I was heading, or how I was going to get there, or if there was even a destination.
That is Becoming.
Your Becoming is an exploration that requires a steely commitment to believe in... what exactly? I can't say it's to "believe in yourself." That's just too cutesy to be real.
Because, I have to say, I lost belief in myself many times.
What I have been committed to is continuing my work. You are asked to believe in your work.
In the harshest conditions when all seemed utterly bizarre and horrible, I just kept working. I would rise up and keep working. Blindly. Without reason. Without hope. Without destination. Without logic. Without any sense at all. All signs and voices said: STOP.
But I just never did.
It is my aim to share my journey with you, which will reveal for you, I hope, your path.
Wouldn't it be cool if what I'm sharing with you actually works?
Beware All Ye Who Enter Here...
I invite you step across this threshold. It is not for the faint of heart. The bottom line is that it will explode your life open. That's the nature of the game.
It's for you if you are goddamned determined to know what this HUGENESS inside you has been trying to tell you all of your life. If you have felt some sort of destiny is awaiting you, but damned if no matter where you look for it, or how hard you work for it, it eludes you like an enigmatic shadow you can never touch. Some sort of cruel haunting, promising all the good things but laughing as you reach out for it.
I have demanded my destiny. It never came. I have stood in front of it waving my arms. It ran away. I have cooed and cajoled it. It laughed. I have to tell you - my entire life since I was 12 years old I have felt this as strong as a tsunami inside of me.
What was I feeling?
I have laid my life before its feet.
And then I heard, "Say yes to the woo."
I didn't know this proclamation and my work were at all related, but my soul began to step out before me and lead the way.
In this journey into the mystical, my becoming and my business...
I dissolved all my beliefs.
I stepped into the unknown.
I walked unwaveringly forward in the dark.
I asked nothing from it.
I just kept walking.
Here's your jump:
I will promise to visit you in your inbox and reveal and unravel the rest. As I type these words, I am walking into the unknown.
Travel with me.
And when I get to where I'm going, I will hold your hand while you step across your threshold.
Finding Yourself. I guess I'm full circle back to age 18 in 1993. Let's time travel.